It took me weeks for my "motherly instincts" to kick in when I had Allie. Before she was born women always told me "As soon as you see your baby you'll be so in love." That my friends did not happen to me. Don't get me wrong...I loved her. But the rich, deep, I'll die for you love didn't happen right off the bat. I remember the day we were leaving the hospital a nurse came in to check on us and noticed Allie had a dirty diaper. Who would have thought...I needed to check her diaper more then a few times a day to check for poop. HA...At that moment I knew I was in trouble.
A few weeks go by and it hit me. How could this little human mean more to me then my next breath? How is possible to hold so much love in a little blanket? God is good! Even though I felt more love then I ever though possible the mother thing didn't come easy. Allie wasn't a easy newborn. She never slept (still doesn't), she had acid reflux, and she screamed all the time. It wasn't until she was about one that things really started getting better in the Soderblom house.
Anyway back to the reason for this blog. Instincts. With the love I got the instinct. It's hard to explain how they work but its just you know. You know before they take a step they are going to trip, you know the bite they are going to take is too big. You just get that feeling. Something isn't right or even better something IS right! I often tell Brad I think I have like a 6th sense because it happens to me so often. He looks at me like I'm a nut case and moves on with what he was doing lol. It took me a long time to learn to trust this. I could have saved may falls or bumped heads if I would have just trusted it more.
This trust was tested more then it ever had been last night. I wont go in to great detail because who knows who well read this but Allie and I were visiting friends and a situation came up where I was being pressured to something I didn't feel comfortable with. Our friends wanted Allie to stay the night and hang out the next day and skip school (tisk tisk). I was okay with the skipping school part because shoot its only pre-school and I'm paying either way. Allie has never stayed at a "friends" house. Grandparents and Aunts as far as we have taken it. So I was just not comfortable with the situation. I said no 20 times but my words were not being taken seriously. I finally gave in and left my baby with her friend. Now I trust these people. Its not that I just left her with unknown people here. They have been a part of Allie's life for years and she loves these people. I love these people but my instincts were telling me something was just not right.
So I go home... I pace... I call Brad, no answer... So I call the person who I can rely on at any time...boy did she come through. After rambling off my story at a rate that she would only understand (because she talks just as fast). She says "Jenn this is YOUR baby. You can not let anyone make you feel like this and you have to take control." I had the same conversation with her just a week before about something totally different. Man it is so much easier to give someone advice then to take it!!! So after a 10 minute lashing from her (yes I'm being totally dramatic) I get off the phone and...text the friend. I didn't even have the courage to call. After 20 minutes and no text back. I call. No answer. call again...no answer. Ok HIGH ALERT SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY BABY! Now I'm putting on my jacket and shoes and walken out the door! Third phone call..."Hello"...oh...hi. (crap now what) "Hi, Its Jenn. I've changed my mind and I'm going to come and get Allie. I just really would prefer to have her home tonight and she can come back tomorrow and hang out."
I went and got my baby...she slept with me last night because I felt for a split second that she was missing (again I'm a drama queen). And nothing happened. Now I know what you are thinking...okay so what was the big deal?!?!?! Nothing happened. EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing happened...but I don't know what would have happened, what could have happened. But what I do know is that something just wasn't right. I learned to trust my motherly instincts and because I did she woke up safe in my arms and is okay.
So thank you motherly instincts and thank you to my special friend who kicked me in my ass and got me in gear!
Something was not right last night friend, I know it with all my heart. Whether something bad was going to happen or not, you werent comfortable, and that's all that matters. God gave you those instincts for a reason and He gave you friends to remind you when you need them. Last week it was me who needed the reminder that I am Baxton's mommy, I know what's right for Baxton, and I should stand up for him whenever I feel necessary. Last night it was your turn. Allie is an amazing little girl and you are an amazing mommy and God chose you for each other. She is lucky to have you. And I'm lucky to have you too :)
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