Throwing in the towel.......I mean the nipple shields and pump.

After a long hard few weeks, I've decided its time to stop breast-feeding. Not because of low supply or work or anything other reasons I thought I would be stopping. But because Marley's acid reflux is so bad. After racking my brain to see what else I could do for my poor baby because after a week on medicine it still was no better and my sitter is about to quit on me. I kept thinking she hated my milk. I googled "Is it possible for a baby to not like their moms milk?" Everything I read pointed to no, not possible. I watched what I ate, nothing spicy, no dairy. I was ready to go to soup and bread diet! I called the doctors office and talked with a nurse and told her I thought Marley's problem was my milk. She told me that if I was comfortable with it, I could try giving her formula for the weekend, pump to keep up my supply and see if it helped. I supplemented a few times while breast feeding so I knew she didn't have a problem with formula. Brad was coming home for the weekend so I thought it was worth a shot. I could pump while he fed Marley. The weekend was good. Not great but better. My heart hurt because I thought that it was for sure me that was the problem. Come Monday, I sent breast milk with Marley to the sitters because I just wasn't willing to face it just yet. She had a horrible day. My poor sitter. She has been a Saint so far. She told me she had screamed most of the day and is very uncomfortable. Tuesday I sent formula along thinking it would help the problem. She was better but not great. I sent the doctor an email and soon after a nurse called. We talked about how much she was spitting up and how she was not content. She said the doctor wanted to see us. After seeing the doctor he told me to keep her on the gentle ease formula and add rice cereal to it. Come to find out the dosage of medication she was getting wasn't right. The pharmacy called the doctors office 3 times asking them to lower it. The third time was after hours and they spoke to a doctor that wasn't Marley's. She was getting half of what she should have been getting. The doctor upped it to three times a day to the right dosage. Last night she got her the rice/formula bottle and she did good. She woke up in the middle of the night smiling and happy. I sent the same to the sitters today and she sent me this text " She is doing amazing! She played for over an hour after her bottle with out one little cry. She started acting sleepy about 15 minutes ago and is already asleep." All I want is for my baby to be happy and healthy. If this is working this is what we are doing. Some might say there are ways around it and things we can do to work around it. I'm sure they are right. But with no husband, a sitter who is about to quit, working, and a screaming baby I'm going to stop. I can't say the word quit. I don't think I'm quitting, I think I'm doing what is best for Marley. Its all about survival mode at this point.

I can't say I'm not sad because my goal was to do it for a year. I considered everyday a success. I didn't get past a week with Allie so doing it 9 weeks with Marley is much better. I have a freezer full of milk that I'll keep and maybe I can use it to mix in her food when she is older and has a stronger belly.