Wrapping up May!

One month down....many more to go!

What a roller coaster of a month, lots of highs and lows.
So hard not to want every month to go this fast with Marley being a baby and getting SO big but I want Brad home SO bad!





Last day of school

Allie continues to grow so fast and she is maturing too quickly. She talks like she is 15 and has an attitude of a 15 year old too! She gives me a rough go alot but I know things are hard for her right now too so I try and take it as easy as I can on her with out letting her get out of hand. She started her summer break so next up will be Kindergarten. Its going to be so sad for me. She will stay at the school she is at so the only thing for her that will change is the teacher. I'm thankful for that. Also all the kids in the Pre-K class except for 2 are going her Kindergarten class also so she'll already know everyone. She will have to wear a uniform and I'm perfectly ok with that, wont have to worry about what the little Diva will want to be wearing. She has started to be pretty pickey about what she will be wearing. Picking out her clothes the night before and making sure the socks that she has on are the right day of the week. Thank you mama Icey for those the neon colored socks! This morning we were all dressed and ready to go. Marley was in her crib under her gym. I went in there to pick her up. I turned around with her in my arms and she threw up....on Allie's head, face, shirt, arm, hand, and crackers lol. She said "What the frick?!" I looked down and couldn't stop laughing. I laughed for a good 5 minutes! She was SO mad! I told her I wanted to take a picture and she said no because she didn't want me to send it to anyone. That is of course what I did :) Only because I love you Allie.

Marley is growing so fast and getting so big. At her four month check up she weighed 15 pounds 10 oz (82%) and was 26 inches long (93%). She is at the top of her chart in both. To much surprise her head is only in the 61% tile. She has learned to roll over from front to back, she loves to sit in her high chair and play with her toys and watch a few minutes of TV. I started her on Stage 1 foods, so far sweet potatoes seem to be the favorite. I think theeth are in the near future. She went from being a great night sleeper to waking up every 3 hours. She goes back to sleep after a bottle.


We went swimming last weekend for the first time this season. Allie was SO excited to get back in the pool! She jumped right in and didn't miss a beat. At the end of last year she was swimming from one side of the pool to the other under water. She is too nervous to do that right now but soon she'll be ready to try it again. This was Marley's first time in the water and she loved it! I just sat her on the first steps and she kicked her feet and gooed for a long time! It was too hot to keep her out there for a long time so she didn't get to stay for long. The only thing missing in this picture is Daddy! We sure do miss him the most when we are doing fun family things! He completes us!


This week we completed the deployment chain. I worked on it at work for a few weeks and finially got all the days printed and the paper cut. I took my stapler home and showed Allie what we were going to be doing and what it was for. She didn't seem to interested in it at first. After she seen how long it was getting she finally wanted to help. After we were all done the chain was VERY long. I need to measure it to see how long it is. It has over 290 links to it and it could wrap around the house! Im going to pin it up in Allie's room. I did it for her, to show her the best way I could how long daddy was really going to be gone. I can say 9 months but to her she just doesn't get it. I tried to say after her birthday, mine, and even Marley's but it still doesn't click. I think this really helped her understand how long it will be. Each day we will remove a link and she will see the chain get shorter and shorter. We can't wait to tear off the last one!!!



Missing you

Im having a really hard day today. For no reason really. You being over 7000 miles away from me is reason enough I guess.

Im trying to be strong and brave for you and the girls but sadly today not even a few weeks in to this deployment Im having a freaking break down.

I have no idea how Im ever going to make it 8 1/2 more months! Seeing it that way today makes it feel like its an impossible journey. I know its not. I know many spouses do it and do it more often. But right now I can't look past today and the empty spot in my heart that only you can fill.

Im trying to keep busy with out overwhelming myself. Its a fine line to walk. I don't like to be home too much but its where things are the easiest. I wish you could call me more and hope that will change with your work schedule. Deployment is such an awful thing! I am thankful that at least we can see your face on the computer and the phone. I couldn't imagine what it was like in previous wars when people had to wait weeks for a letter.

Im working on the count down chain for Allie's room, by the looks of it so far its going to wrap around the house! 280+ days.

I can't wait till I get to see your face again...I hope its soon.

xo J

Am I mom enough???

Today TIME Magazine released its May 21, 2012 edition.

I am not a TIME subscriber so I can't read the full article but looking at it gives me a pretty good idea of what its about. I'm not going to lie when I first seen this photo on another person blog I flinched. Why on Earth would a women do this? Her son in 10 years is going to look back and be so embarrassed! I know I would if my mom would have done that!

(The women on the cover was nursed until she was 6)

Then I really thought about it... the boy is 3. I failed at nursing...twice. My goal with Marley was to make it a year. I made it 9 weeks. I think breastfeeding is the most amazing way to connect with your child. It is so healthy for the baby and yourself, if you make it 3 months, you cut your chances of breast cancer by 30% and the longer you go the higher the % goes. There are SO many benefits to it! When Brad and I first talked about me nursing Allie I was a really not in to the idea of it. Those are for him...now I should just switch that off and let a baby suck on them?? WEIRD!!!!! But I was willing to give it a shot since Brad wanted me to do it. When she first latched on I was hooked! BUT like I said my goal was to do one year. I'm not so sure I could have done it until they were older then that. I can't say because I never made it there.

There is nothing wrong with doing it till they are 3. Its just as healthy. The location consultant at the hospital told me that I could put some cold BM in Allie's cereal or cup with other milk and she'd never know. I thought about it, but never did.  Society as a whole doesn't accept breastfeeding in general, much less to a child who can ask for something to eat and go to preschool. Last month when Beyonce was "seen" breastfeeding in public it was on every news station! WHO CARES! She is feeding her baby. How did it become more acceptable to see a model naked on new stands and on commercials only covering herself with her hands but its not okay to see a mother feeding her baby the most healthy/natural way!? Everyone has their views and opinion on when they think it is OK to stop.

So for now I'm going to say...no...I'm not mom enough. I'm pretty sure that even if I did make it to a year I would have stopped near that mark. Extended nursing probably will never be accepted in our society, I can see that only getting more tabo as time goes on. More power to you mommas. You do what works for YOU and what works for YOUR family.

Good Bye...for now

Yesterday, May 7, 2012 Brad left the country. Right now he is on a plane from Germany to Kuwait. He started in Golfport, Mississippi and went to Virgina. Last night around 8 pm he left there to go to Germany.

This past weekend I was able to fly down and see him on Friday morning and staying until Sunday evening. I'm going to do my best to express my feelings about this weekend and detail as much as I can so when I'm sad and feeling down and lonely I can come back here...read this post, and remember all the details of our amazing weekend together.

Leaving St. Louis

Thanks to my parents I was able to book a flight and head out early Friday morning. Allie was staying with my parents and Marley with Brad's. My flight left at 7:11 am to Atlanta. From Atlanta I flew to Golfport/Biloxi Airport in Mississippi. Upon arrival I got my bag and rental car and head to my cousin Katie's house where Brad was. It took about 30 minutes to get there. We text (unsafe I know) along the way about how close I was. As I pulled up I seen him sitting outside waiting for me in the driveway. At that moment I fell in love with the man I married all over again. Something I did over and over this weekend! We hugged and kissed and said I love you. Going in I visited with Katie for a little while. Brad showed me the things he bought for me he bought me two dresses, a halter top shirt, a pair of wedges, and black earrings. Everything fit perfect and was beautiful.

This man can shop for me! We were trying to decide on what we wanted to do for the evening. Everything is pretty close driving range and we decided we wanted to visit New Orleans. Brad had 7 am formation on Sunday so going Saturday night was out of the question. So about 1 pm on Friday we decided to make the trip right then.

One of my dresses

Sleeping on the way to NO

We put New Orleans in to the GPS and we were on our way. We booked a hotel along the way and checked in about 3:30 in the afternoon. I will spare all the love making details :):) We showered and dressed and left for Bourbon Street!!!!! I've been one other time when I was 15 and I was scared of that place! It was too big, too loud, and too crowed. This time with my right hand man, knowing he would keep me safe, I was in heaven! We parked and starting our evening. We walked up and down the blocks for a while before getting a drink. We decided to eat. We ate at a restaurant called La Bayou. It was a fancy place. Not a place we would normally go in and prices we would normal not pay. Brad said were going to live it up, this is the only time we have. I agreed. Our dinner was not our taste but we tried something different, we had fried alligator and this combo plate that included, gumbo, Etoufee, and jambalaya. After dinner we went back out on the streets and stepped in a few bars for a quick peak. We seen they had these hurricanes for sale. We had to buy one. For $10 it was considered a

steal. Brad ordered a blue moon and we sat in there for about an hour. We went upstairs and enjoyed the view from the balcony for a bit. Brad wanted to hear a blues band so we went on to another bar. We stopped in a bar and stayed there for a few hours. I don't know any of the names of the bars we went in to because there are so many one after another. Names are not important. We sang, danced, and loved on each other. The band was great and we were having the time of our lives. I remember thinking in my head how I couldn't stop smiling and I was so happy

to be there with him right then enjoying the time together. Brad seen a few guys from another unit but in the same bunk he was in and we hung out with them for most of the night. We went from bar to bar drinking and dancing. It was a really good time. About 1 am I decided that I was ready to go back, I had been up since 3 am the night before. We left the group and headed back. We stopped and had a slice of pizza before I drove us back.

Saturday morning we woke up and had a quick breakfast before heading back to Golfport, I seen an outlet mall on the way to New Orleans that I wanted to shop at. We wanted to go to the beach after that. We shopped, Brad bought me a new Coach purse with matching wallet and a new swim suit. He bought a hat. We stopped at a gas station and bought some corona, and went to the

beach. I was surprised there were not many people there, it was a beautiful day, perfect weather. We hung out with just us two the entire time, we did get in the water. I was nervous, scared of sharks. We went out ways but were only up to our chest. We listen to music and just enjoyed each other. It started to look like it was going to rain so we packed up and headed to Hattiesburg where Camp Shelby is. We rented a hotel right outside of the base, we checked in and got ready to go out to dinner and go out to a country bar called Ropers. The evening was fun and we got back to our hotel about 2:30 am. Brad was wide awake and I was dead tired. When we go in bed Brad just sang Aerosmith "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" song to me as I feel asleep. I woke up a few times and he was still awake just watching me sleep. I realized at this moment, half asleep, that this man loves me just as much as I love him.

He had to get up and be at formation at 7 am and he stayed up all night to take every last second of me as he could. He kissed me good bye and told me he brought me a honey bun. He'd be back and we were going to breakfast. I pulled myself out of bed and showered, I wanted to be ready when he got back. When he got back we went to IHOP for breakfast with a few others from his unit. They were having a barbecue for the entire platoon that was being deployed at noon. We had a few hours so we went back to the hotel and took a nap. We went to the BBQ and hung out for a bit but it was really hot and we just really wanted to be alone because I only had a few more hours before I had to leave. We went back to his barracks and he showed me his "space". Brad ran in the Chaplin and ask him if he would pray with us before I had to leave, it put a little peace in my heart, I know God is going to take care of Brad while he is away. I know God is going to give me the strength to raise our girls and carry on an everyday life for them. We turned on a movie and snuggled up on his mini twin size bunk and watched a movie and fell asleep together. When we got up it was time for me to leave.

He walked me out to the car to say our one last final good bye. He usually leaves me, this time I had to leave him. It. Was. Hard! After many kisses and long hugs I got in the car and drove away. Driving away from the base I just wanted to turn back and steal him and bring him home with me!!! I cried all the way to the airport, at the airport, on my flights, all the way home...until midnight when I layed in my bed, alone, no girls, no Brad, just me. I never felt more alone in my life then I did then. It was too quite in the house.

I needed sleep so bad from the long day I had. After a quick prayer I was sleeping.

That pretty much wraps up my weekend with him. It was amazing. We needed this time together and we made every second count.